The Difference

There must be the difference

b/w imagining & seeing --

the things we...

feel & touch, by its all means.

Watching pretty young ladies,

but not so pearl kind of gurls,

Wearing blue jeans with holes in soft knees.

Without carin' of their age,

re-considering 'em 296-BABES of Boulevard Valenciennes.

Some standing by the pole...

Some walkin' down La Pigalle streets,

perhaps, there must be the difference

b/w reality & elm of dreams --

the things we feel & touch or kiss & love, in betweens.

She -- Femme Fatale

She -- femme fatale. The ruggish i am.
Life aint no mess thou' so sluggish goddamn!
Amnesty, her fairy... more pathetic than sham
brings me damn nothing but ecstasy o' mayhem
Narcotic, her love... more dodgy than spam
We taking it in, and it killing us men
She be X-Drug. And i smoke crstal's meth
More dangerous than weed, her love's e-scam
Cheese beer & hookah, peanut butter jam
She shares her secrets. I ain't give a damn
When she's so drunk, she forgets, she's woman
I ain't drink ye shit, but she wonders: "Who i am?"
Her love's coacine, so the druggiest i am
Addicted to something that had me so slammed
Martini, i drink... saying thank you to "Ma`am"
Her breath is so mortal. She's daughter of "Nam"
Vietnami that mami lives in Amesterdam
Romania her love. Born in Cornado Island.
So succulent & sappy, quite menthol and cam
She -- femme fatale. Her love do i scan
Intoxicated than drug brings trouble under the night o' mayhem. 

Mistaken Life

03.45pm

April/22/2017!

***

Success mistaken. We being misled

Past's forbidden. And your present ahead?

Deception to future, dark figments' it feds

Life ain't no easy, if "will-to-live" is being dead

where's your passion? Is it all fred.. ?

... like you & your life? - everything, yo instead?

Love be so mystic, already misery it bred.

Ecstasy it brings, thou' illusion came next.

Don't ya get shackled by the thoughts of your head 

Love's forbidden. Unforgotten, your lad.

None comes around when you need 'em, behead

Words from 'em mouths, they only fuck crack

Crackpot nincompoop be their DDDDDD-dad.

Betrayal real shit. Traitors, their zed. 

First they damn need you, then do forget.

Your life's mistaken. The world being misled

If life was so easy, it would never be dread.

No friends. & no foes? We'd never regret!

Fuckya damn life, you put 'em on vat!

I tell ya one story -- the story of gal

She wanted some money, oh hell, she got paid...

... the night she enslaved to the men of the graves

Grooviest, their greed with no creed, yes she pled

thou' nothing she got, but the money in bed.

Thrown at her face. At her body, so sweat. 

She-eh-Sabrina got paid; left with soul nae unsaid. 

Only tears in eyes. Dried mascara gone wettttt!

No shortcut to dough, money ain't no your lad

She trusted in money, money took her to BAB -- 

"What's eh-aa BAB?" --- the "Brothel-Ah-Bunk-bed". 

And yes, she got paid with the feelings o' regret.

Left so abundant in MOM? --- the "Memories Of Masquerade"

Money's shit can drag ya to hell -- to the canal, unwell

cos, success... mistaken so is love being misread.

The prostitution of heart be boulevard brothel in bolw-eh-rk

Strippers walk down. And creepers are glad. 

Money's bitch so is life being... misled. 

Success mistaken? -- Ah... not again! Cut the crap!

***

Still A Flower

Something missing, and something lost. 

Something that skipping is teasing me utmost. 

The value of ethics, yes, i'm forgotten. 

The respect that i had, may be, is rotten. 

A flower that she was's turned to piercing throne. 

Once we walked together. Today, we traveled alone. 

Because in life, 

Something's missing, and everything belost. 

Heart skipping beats, & the body lost its soul. 

Once she was hungry, & her starvation, yes i stole

Her giggles, i remember. And memories, do i recall. 

Time just...

 ...had us both lost. And it hurt us both the utmost. 

She's still a flower to me, not throne 

but how do i fumble my heart as it never listens to me, i mourn

Because in life,

Something's missing. Damn! Nothing is lost.

Love's in you, but it has its cost 

It takes your everything than giving you the most

She'll always be that flower that i kissed.. oh yes allot

But i understand,

If the flower's just wilted, you can water it again

but once it's already broken, you can never sleep on its pain. 

The pain that she had in her, never shown to me, i blur

I inadvertently broke that flower, & guess what? -- i lost her

It was I. Me. She. Her. And us together. We were...

so lost & drunk so enough to stir the spur 

But still... there was something i forgot,

may be, it was nothing or everything that, my god, i fuckin' slept on her.  

She Is The Cure

03.00pm

April/17/2017!

Title: She Is The Cure

***

Love, life in la land. 

With wars, foes and friends,

she used to live alive, but farewell thisby ends. 

"Friends With Benefits" -- yes she amends 

There's no faith, no saith, but friends 

Law defies her thoughts, she offends 

Sudden "compromise", she done, with Men's.

Suffice smokes, & hukkah with some cracks,

she used to sleep with men & take f-smacks. 

All time high and sigh on nights. 

Fuck that bae is someone's AXE

She's a fay, yae cancelled cheque 

Men torn Czech mami in Quebec. 

With triggered body, tattoos on her neck,

SHE'S THE CURE when life's wreck.

She's hot daughter of dad's friend. 

Lady of night... and so transcend.

Money's bitch so is her life 

I used to meet her on weekends

Friends with benefits, what she amends

There's no faith, no saith but friends

All night doing THINGS what law defends

She's Prague lady in vague benz... 

always... COMPROMISING with gigolo-men's.

***

Being Fooled

Life is a mess. Here I am being depressed

cos… she dubbed me creeper

but i never called her stripper.

She fucks us men so hard

We love her dang dead hard

She breaks our heart like.. what?

And we spend our life for her?

What the hell is this or that?

Love is cupid. Us all mad.

Stupid heart ain’t no our lad.

It cares for t-h-a-t trespassed lass.

Our hunger’s so high. She loves getting on high-sighs.

Her moan takes us so down

O’ yes, she spoils our crown.

We loose our image for her;

discard respect for loves

And she breaks our heart like… what?

But we dream of being loving-birds.

Our minds damn break the rules.

I see her naked in my damn pool.

We think that we so smart

But she knows what breaks our heart

She kills our vibes so hard;

tears us all like a deck of card.

She’s a queen. We, the carom board.

Damn! She rules our heart, unexplored.

Quebec Zech, she’s hot hot whore.

Money, her love. She’s less Mrs. Moore.

She breaks our heart and rules.

We aIn’t no student, but still being fooled.

Did You Miss Me?

After a very long time, i met her. She looked in my eyes, and i looked at hers. With the a very strong gush of winds, she asked if i miss her taking her eyes down to her feet. 

"You missed me?"

I was standing before her those blue eyes, and was enjoying the moment time brought to me, and said,

"Certainly, i did. More oft, i do...

whenever i'm free, & so lost in you.

What's this life? You're my hue

I touch you, my Miss. And you, then, whew.

The color of love ain't no shade of 'tis dew

Summer, my friend. Winter, lone night

Spring, my homie. The fall comes anew. 

Yes, lil' Miss, certainly, I miss you... 

whenever i'm free and so high on you. 

And she got blushed, then asked in whispers,

"How do i make you high?"

I pulled her more closer to me, and said looking deep at into her blue eyes,

***
"When i'm half naked, i imagine you overnight. 

Your eyes speak to me, & gets me on high 

Womanizer, i am. Womania, you are. 

I'm a service provider. You -- the giver, soothing star.

And you get me high... so high on your love

Your body does that to me... 

Isn't it enough to say this of all things above?"

***

And she kissed my left cheek, and said, "Those were beautiful words...thank u, my secret friend😘 for the passion you bring in words, and spark my heart-beats with such lustrous feelings. This is your passion...continue on this path. Latter that night, i gently poured her whole down into the goblet of red-wine, stirred her love in the glass, with caramel feelings, and undressed her slowly... to quench my thirst to lust. And said,"Yes, i missed you... more oft. i do eps. when i'm high... on you."

La Love

05.00am
Saturday! April/8/2017!

Title: La Love

Subtitle: Love takes time but time never takes care of love.

***

"Desire's something that longs to be known by hearts', but heart oft. fears the passion of its beats, like, what if it gets shattered into pieces, and there's none to bowl thee around."

And in 'twix that, half of us gone indulged into the venturous debauchery of lasciviousness which further has our feet so ditched into the canal of enslavement. We be nothing more than but a SOS -- the "Slave Of Sylvester" mind that already has us so lost into something, i call, Premature Immaturity.

And on this, i must certify that...

"Heart fears la love, love dreads ye time.
Winds blow to there, to where clouds reside.
Life is la mess. Pierced she -- a "piece dime".
Under the tryst of moon, she has you in time.
Time ain't no ours... not yours... nor mine
It's a fuckin' bitch that's always on ride;
takes you to cloud-nine, then tugs you in 69!
& once you're being loved, twice you being pined
cos... heart fears la love, & love dreads ye time."

Why love dreads ye time? -- It's, may be, coz...love takes time to beloved but time never takes care of it at all. Also nobody wanna loose good moments of life not ev'n "la love" itself, but sadly, the truth is, things get changed with time so do we... so does love, however, one can easily buy it in the market, perhaps, it won't be called love but something that's dubbed with "venturous debauchery of lasciviousness".

***

Love In Eclipse

10:20am

Friday! April/07/2017!

Title: Apocalyptic Love

Subtitle: Time Ain't No Ours. Love Be In Eclipse.

***

She be the flower. Petals, her lips 

Time ain’t no ours. Love be in eclipse

She had no flaws. Flawless? No bitch!

She shown true colors to the guy that she ditched!

He left abundant with memories, he sips

& missed gone days since they were kissed…

… under the moon, in the blessings o’ bliss

She was the flower, & petals, her lips. 

"Damn! Fuckya, bitch! O' fuck, what is this!"

He cursed his life on the shit that he did

He made a call to the gurl that he miss

She cut the call, & dumped on his tricks.

He was so naïve, & the naivety, thee breach

Miss was so cheap that she found anew dick!

Not sure whose fault it is in e’ yo this

Was he no naïve so was virgin his shit…

… so unknown to world, & to love that we kiss

Time ain’t no ours. Poor love be in eclipse.

***

Ain't No Hoe

11:45pm

Monday. April/3rd/2017!

Title: Ain't No Hoe

Subtitle: Money Makes You Bitch!

***

And she's home, then she's gone.

Every day & fucken night, 

she makes gigolo feel lone,

& forlorn, aye esmond.

She had this world lame, butcher bugs, bygone. 

I paid her $200 for a night. 

She got pleased paid & punished, lika fawn.

Her menthol breath got me breathless 

Seduction, her queendom. beauty, no less. 

Courtesan, her mentor. #BDSM, her trespass.

She ain't no toy, but a lady o' lass. 

Dirt belonged to men. flithy strumpet women.. 

had 'em sinner, undisguised. 

She ain't no hoe, but a weed, i smoke, overnight.

Night ain't no night without her. 

Things, without her, get blurred. 

She be the truth. I, her lie. 

Never meant to break her shell, thou' i deny. 

Being obsessed with her euphoric enigma, 

I savoured her like a goblet of wine, 

she left abundant with fine memories 

sitting lone sipping tears, blueberries 

dried lips. wet eyes... & with forsaken body.

***

Written by @shivamwrights

All Rights Reserved - Copyright © Shivam 2017

Ps.

This be the first post that i uploaded the very first time on my recently created fb page. Here's a direct link to reach my page:

https://www.facebook.com/prematureimmaturity/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE&fref=nf

Hot As Hell

And she's hot as hell in the dungeon of cell 

lady of hearts. freaky mama, lil' seashell 

i feedin on her nights touchin' white thighs, 

she runnin away, getting stunned and wonderin': where to hide...
from this night. i've seen her parts,
pleased us thine, victimized her crime
there's nothing to hide from 'tis vulture alive, we compromised.
and she gave me what i would need;
love me as hard... as she could thee.

she - an enigmatic silhouette - a proper shadow  ---

cherry, blueberry - the daughter of mary from zone hell, do i tell. 

she ain't wait for long. as smoking as farewell 

life be one so is she. i lived her right till the end - the possession of x-cell

hotness must be the friend of her beauty and aye beauty -- a sweet Christabel 

i would keep her awake till she'd yell... 

so hard on an every stroke that i made.. to her to get her high, unwell and swell 

dragging her to dead-end -- the dungeon of cell

dang! she's as hot as hell. i took her to bed, & loved her, & lust her, then ducked her so well;

made her ride all night feeding on my breath, o' hell!

she -  a daughter of hell -- the lady of literature -- a remedy for aches

i'd long to chew her from top to bottom ov'r & ov'r & ov'r again in the dungeon of cell. 

Never Did Matter

Saturday Morn
06.25am. April/1st/2017!

Everyday i wake up in a hope to get better
but what i get, in return, yes nev'r does matter
Being a writer, it's hard being living or to beloved.
Love's in air. For that, we all being dubbed.
People keep racing... the race of their life.
Life is not theirs nor time be, er, thine.
Such a life i living or thou be keep dreaming.
An illusion, all i got... in the name of froth-forgiving.
Job is... must to do in life. Life be must to belived,
thou', nothing treated in a better way than the cost of 'em living.
And every morn, i wake up with a the worry of high-stress.
Depression killing this life, and on that, i (feel) distress,
Cos.. everyday i wake up in a hope to get better
but what i get, in return, o' never did it matter.

Ps. Written it online. So i must count it & take it as a draft... for now. I'm sure would be workin' on it soon with time. 

Moody

Becky, her name. Lips, ruby.

Figure size, Zero to fruity 

Once i'd shout at her; was snooty

& since then.. she dubbed me moody

I'd laugh at her; at 'em horns kuby's;

do play with 'em on nights

& then... 

get wondered if she - a daughter of my ex, Judy?

Judy was more like Trudy

Trudy, a real hoe beauty, had an affair with Roodie

Soon, she got broke up with him

& time sincerely had me real Woodie 

The woody of the year, i be named

Never knew Trudy'd be a mother of Judy

& Judy, an aunt of lucy

Lucy been an artemis of Zeus, undisguised 

& Zeus was none but me - the real odyssey

Not sure how to manage all of these relationships 

Cut the crap. It's just... 

Becky, her name with lips, Ruby

Figure size, Zero to fruity, 

had an encountered with me, overnight

& latter that morn, she dubbed me ye moody.

Ps.

Just a telephonic conversation, i've had late night, with one of my online friends Named Lin. It's really been a very long since i'd talk to her, but late night, i've really had a great time with her. And she recalled all of our past time convos, and without delaying with time, she just dubbed me... Moody. I chuckled at what she was just sayin, but did and still do admit that whatever she dubbed me with is quite honest. I guess, may be, i'm moody. And that's, i believe, been the foremost reason behind why i've a very short-list of friends, but a very big-hitlist of enemies. Lol

The Conversation

Subtitle: The world's patched with too many positive people, but the question is whether you care enough to meet one.

The more i'm being good, the less i'm being sane.
The less i'm being rude, the more i'm being sage.
Me tryna being mute, thou' ye be i yo raged
Hard being optimistic as thee-thy world being uncaged
People want dough, the dough be its wage
Positivism killed mui vibes,
Spectra negativism got me enraged.
Our brain be its eden, thoughts, thine engaged
The frequency of thoughts, & sincerity ablazed.
Just 'coz...the more you be good, the less will you sane.
The less you be rude, the more will you sage.

Something like that just intrinsically got popped up in my head since was i being engaged with Shivani (ma`am), one of my ex-teacher, used to teach me "Rural Marketing" subject since was i in freaking 3rd sem. of stupid-cupid M.B.A, & was 'bout to be wandering throu' the ridge of "new-age" during that time. So young. Yet lost and confused. Jobless. And ready to make every new mistake. Phew!

I still remember, in the beginning of new-year, 2017, whilst was i getting much fuzzed 'bout makin' new year resolutions, i just hit her a text, & asked, what she's up to this new-year, and what kinda new resolution-al plans she be workin' on. In b/w that, time walked on by; conversations got geared up, & sooner the time gone, sooner the night voooshed into winds. Day passed on by, night by night, i tryna re-begeting my focus on #Resolutions2017, but no luck.

Then, one night, I again hit her a text, and asked if her resolutional plans goin' well. To my surprise, she was too getting more lost & confused with her own resolutions. It was all getting cocky on her as well. And before i'd come to ask her anything, something hit in my head, & i got come up with following thoughts:

And then i myself realized that as long as you don't put down your deceptive thoughts into actions, nothing gonna turn into reality not ev'n your dreams at all, cos... what your dreams're nothing more than but just a tuft of ecstatic-thoughts that needa get licked down into actions. It's only actions that make things come true in life. The reason, why was i getting fruitless at accomplishing my #Resolutions2017, is nothing but my own procrastination which was consistently preventing me from giving a damn 'bout what i sincerely care-d enough to slam.

And it just happens to... with everyone. Everyone passing throu' the same dilemma of life you keep wandering throu'. 

Perhaps, besides of finding difficulties, she was just incessnatly following the league of "positivism", may be, somewhere deep inside, she knew that success never comes that easily, if it'd come, it would never gonna be that valued at all. So, she always gushed, in the end, "Be Positive".

I hardly knew the worth of positivism till now.

Well, Shivani (ma`am) has been one of the most "optimistic" gals (teachers) amongst all, who ain't just helped me whenever i had a query to ask, but also led me right via the versatile vibes of her magnetized thoughts. And to be honest, i've hardly got encountered with any of the positive-minded person like her before in life at all. I ev'n have allot of positive minded online friends, but when it comes to real-world, i hardly "find-found-found" the one!

may be, it's cos, i ain't that positive neither have i ev'r been so at all.

And yesterday night, i've had a talk with her again. Never knew that our convo will take another amazing turn, and will make me writing what i already mentioned at first in poetic form:

I guess, talking or having some talk with her is quite a fascination itself, within. Sounds good by me, then. lol

It really ain't matter whether others're being negative on you or not. What all does matter in that is if you have those positive POVs on others, & on their lives, cos... hate or jealousy or negativity be just a form of pessimism. The more you opt. it, the more you gonna enjoy it. And the more you enjoy it, the more you gonna get so far ev'n from your true-self. So stay always be positive. That's all what i kinda learn from Shivani.

I believe, positive minded persons're most heart-broken ones. And here, i admit, i know ev'n i've already told her that she might be the most miserable person behind the veil of smiles, but it's just the part of life, what all does matter in that is how you take care of such things, & use it all treading people in a way. I really don't know whether i'll be positive-minded in life or not, but the thing i know is, i hope ain't gonna be that unbalanced again. 

You just have to choose one: Positivity or Negativity. You can never choose both to walk along. I choose negativity, but only for negative people, & will choose positivism, only for positive minded ones. Such a contradiction of life we all passing throu' now-a-days!

I happen to know, when you're being negative, you're ev'n way frustrated & suffocated & so lost & confused deep inside than those who're being positive. Everybody gets hurt, perhaps, it just depends, how one walks throu' the situations. Such an optimistic gurl she is! Always ev'n replies to my texts as well. Phew. thankful to her for that. lol

Ps. The world's patched with too many positive people, but the question is whether you care enough to meet one.

Your Life, Your Decision

08:15pm
Saturday, feb/4th/2017!
Last night was quite an intriguing night to me. I was in office, and in a moment, my eyes got rolled up somewhere across the wall where an handwritten quote said:

"Don't watch the clock. Just do what it does. Keep going!"

And a moment latter, i heard some voices from ov'r the back desk:

"Per chal toh rahi nahi yaar. (but the cloak ain't working, man) lol

It was quite the most intriguing moment of the night, but also a bit philosophically hypothetical as well. It got me thinking': "Time never stops for anyone neither has it ev'r stopped for one at all. So, it's always better either moving along with the clock, or sitting somewhere across the corner of your room, & hiding oneself in dark shades of darkling nights, or always keep dreaming of havin' things in hands you ev'r wished to have in life... cos the call is all yours. Everything's on the palm of your hands. Your life. Your decision. Do live it right!

This Night

feb.3rd.2017!

And "This Night" (today) really brought allot of good & fortunate things after "Late Night".

Just gave another interview to another company, and fianlly got selected. My joining is on 14th.feb, on valentine's day... which's a very good sign to get embarked with anew year, and anew hopes to life. Funny thing is, this's the very first job i had got offered a couple of, prolly, two years back from now, but i wasn't that ready to do the job, & just moved to bankin' norms, but soon i came to know, bank ain't kinda my type, so i would quit... & got continued with my mba. Today, i went in the same and very first company that'd hired me back in 2015. Now the time's changed, and God took me back to the same place where i'd already been two years back from now. Phew! A night back, i arrived back at home at 10:00 but with much dissatisfaction and embarrasment, but today... "this night", i come back at the same time, 10:00pm but with much satisfaction, & smiles. And here i come to know, every day is different. You never know what morrow gonna have to bring to your life. So always be cheerful. And get ready to face whatever comes to get encountered with you!

I believe, sometimes, God really plays with you, or may be, ..just wanna teach some important lessons of life that're being forgotten... by you.

Ps.
Never kick off the opportunities you're blessed with. Time never remains the same in life neither has it ever been so.

Late Night

Yesterday the previous day was quite a stunning day for me, but ye (the) yesterday night was more like a bizzare to life, in blackout.

I would never loose to any of 'em interviews earlier before, but late night, i admit got certainly lost to #spectraforce. Really ain't know what went wrong, and what just happened so sudden, and fast around, but whatever it is, the thing that i know by now is: "The world ain't care of... who you are, or what you've been in your past. It only wants "perfection", & perfection never gives second chance".

Had an interview in #spectraforce company late night. For its iind round was i being selected outta 150+ students throu' this fuckin' campus placement, but unfortunately, nothing went the way i had fuckin' expected not from the interviewer but from  --- the fucking real me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before sayin' much on this, let me share something here around in words:

Back in 2015, during those final years of my graduation, i got blessed with too many fruitful opportunities of life. Every day was more like a "luck" to me, and one by one, i got embarked on stepping up with the ladder of success, & moving ascends in a hope to reach beyond horizons. After cracking some of the very first interviewsssssssssss of my life, my confident reached at the apex of extreme, &... don't ev'n know how, but as time accumulated by, my confident got preceded by over-confidence, & in b/w that, i would utterly loose the fuckin' real me... somwhere in the cliches of mindfulness.

Perhaps, besides of being loosen, quite obviously,  i kinda fuckin' loved this new "confidence" or so-called "over excitement in the name of being over-confidence" gotten by "The Deception Of Mind".

However, yet indeed it's also true sayin' that sometimes...

"... we never know what exactly we're goin' throu'
life's no mess, but we being messed up, & imbued...
with the figments of mind.. which barely come true
instead, we keep dreamin' on such deception of mind
& loose our true selves somewhere, may be, in me? or you?
cos, sometimes, we really never know what exactly we're goin' throu'."

(back to the thread)
Yesterday, i got rejected in an interview... FOR THE very fuckin' FIRST TIME in my life. And after being rejected, i realized... how fast the time has gone, & how easily i'm being stoned. 

cos... nothing went the way i had expected it to be .Everything just got me lost into something i never wanted to be a part of.

Ps. I
Sometimes, rejection is must in life not to get you more dumper, but to make ya understand the real you deep inside, & re-scrutinizin' yourself what exclty you goin' throu'. 

Ps. II
You needa... NOT TO be a part of the same race everybody else just keep racing throu'. May be, the company wasn't for me nor was i for that company. When i would just entered the room, i saw everybody was, like, students.... sitting around in front of their computers', & keep staring at 'em screens'... QUITElLY, but a bit talkingly, and typing and blah blah blah around. I ain't ev'n saw... not ev'n the single face that has fuckin' smile on it. Everybody was looked quite distressed, and much depressed as well. Some were blabbering and talkin' around, but not the way we causally talk.

One freakin' male-worker was consistently shouting at one female-coworker sitting somewhere at the back side. Don't know why, but urgh... it was quite weird to hear the words he was cracking on that GURL. The gurl (girl) was ev'n telling him not to say more, but he was keep continuing questioning on her words, and the breath of that gurl was getting cocky!!

It was the very worse moment of my life when i realized, how disgusting it is or could be to work in private sectors esp. FOR LADIES, may be, it's cos... the hunger of us men's already reached beyond our limits we were proverbially born with, & have already forBIDDEN the VOV -- the value of (being) virtuoso.

Life's not race, but a game, & can be very horrific esp. for ladies if they act carelessly in it. Ah... whatever!

Late night was just more like a nightmare to me, perhaps... i'm happy that i'm walked throu' it, but a bit sad 'bout thinking on it being rejected. The reason behind my rejection was quite funny, i had just used a single word of hindi, when my interviewer asked me if i've any question to ask 'bout the company. Everything went great. It was just a finale round, but sometimes, i guess, you can't compete your fate that comes in the wake of luck, in life.

My interviewer: "Do you want to ask anything 'bout company?"

And i said, "bas... " (no, i said "NO" in my own native language, but also in a diff. & a causal way)

He "reacted": "Hindi is not allowed in this company"

"Oh, i see, well, i beg your pardon, sir," i replied.

"It's okay. No problem," he replied.

I went outside the room. Few minutes later, a lady (hot gurl) named "Ridhika" came on by, and took me to another room. No-one was there.

And she asked, "How was your interview?"

Me: "My interview was good, but i made a lilttle mistake. I used ONE WORD OF HINDI in last, when he asked me if i've any question to ask regarding this company, and i said, "bas... "

Ridhika: Yes, and sir said also the same to me.  Shivam, you used hindi so we can't hire you cos.. we deal with USA clients, and you have to talk in english.

Me: "So.. hindi's not allowed here not ev'n a SINGLE WORD?"

Ridhika smiled, and said,  "Yes.. hindi's not allowed. Sorry... we won't be able to hire you for this job."

(For a moment, i was like, Not ev'n a SINGLE WORD? Urgh, that's quite wierd. I don't ev'n know how people or employees of that company might be doin' job under such pressure. Now i think, that if i would ev'n got selected, i'd have resigned off that job with time for sure, cos... i'm kinda not so habitual of listening lectures, neither done anything under such pressues at all. I just do what i find so valuable doin'. I believe, as long as you doin' anything but also with freedom and own consent, you're doin' good. Once you started doin' work under pressure or without your own freedom, you're lost! I've already been lost back in gone days. Ain't wanna get lost again at all.)

It wasn't that embarrasing moment for me. The most embarrasing part of "LATE NIGHT" was when i went outta her room, walked down the stairs, and everybody was staring at me around, and i was like, "aaj toh gya."  Latter, i just kept my chin down, walked away. Ev'n the sercurity guard of the main gate was keep looking at me, may be, he knew that i wasn't the one being rejected! lol

And today, on 2nd, feb, 2017.... when i replay those moments again on my mind, i really feel very urgh, and question myself: "why the hell i just... just.... ah.. leave it!"

Nothing im gonna get outta it. Let's turn the chapter, and move on! Yesterday brought allot of bad things. Let's see what Morrow gonna have to bring, of course, in good things. Fingers crossed! 

Deception

08:00pm
Monday Night!

Time couldn't be that same as it once been a long back in gone years. Today, outta nowhere, a lil' but a very old thought hit in my head, & would remind me something i had forbidden a long back.

A long back, a couple of years back from now, in an evening, i was having a great time with my online writer-friends, & reading & reviewing their work, accordingly with time. Suddenly, a lady got popped up before eyes, & i reviewed her stuffs, She thanked me for being stopped by around, and in a mean time, our conversation got fueled with words. We both were enjoying the time together. I already knew she was way older than me, & me was fucking younger than her, perhaps, besides of this age-ish norms, i kept myself engaged with readin' & reviewing her stuffs. Day passed on by, nights walked on by life, and another eve. would come, & got me something i wasn't aware of. Suddenly, our talk reached to something which further prevent me from getting engaged with her stuffs anymore.

I said, "i will never get older. I'm younger, and will be so young forever in life."

And she replied, "you're ev'n getting older with every passing minute. and you can't be younger forever. you're gettting older with time."

I would hate that fucking lady at the time, and never talked to her back again. I was a kid enough during those days. Just +2 passed out student, & a 1st or 2nd year college student i was. I wasn't graduated that time. Almost a kid i was. And never knew how this life works, and what it exactly wants from us.

Day and nights passed on by, and as more time accumulated by the pavements of life, i grown, and now realizing .. what she said was true, and what i illusively lived around was nothing but ... just a deception of mind.... that got shattered into pieces with time. And today, i'm grown. My childhood gone. Responsibilies overwhelmed me with priorities of life. And smiles got hidden somewhere behind the pilgirms of worries. Ev'n my passion got covered behind the scars of age as well. And sitting on the same couch, 5 years later since then, today, i realizing... what i lived wasn't true, but what i be living is not belonged to virtue. Ah... such a deception of mind we all living in!

My First Response

It's 12:37Am as for now...
and a couple of minutes earlier from now, i read something suspescious but not so conspecious somewhere across the realm of this so-called internet. Someone ov'r the internet put a question:

Vashu:
How to deal with anxiety and depression without taking help from others when Person want to live alone. Also going through isolated feeling?

The guy name is "vashu-pzqon", as per shown on his profile, and he's kinda 22 year old guy dealing with "Anxiety" and "Depression".

Well, quite honestly, I hardly interfere in anyone's life or pass my own personal POVs ahead to anyone around, but this time rather keeping myself hiding behind the clock of scarcity, I thought to give a damn 'bout such things. Au fond, i thought to write him a reply not just for helping him out but at least seeing whether i'm that creative enough to reach out to any solution. And without delaying with time, I embarked on getting imbued with my QWERTY & wrote down the given ans...
..
... and after writing, & re-reading my own reply, I sincerely felt like: "Oh boy, did i just write that? Cool. I guess, now I finally started acted more like a pro." 

Check it out my reply to his question, and decide yourself whether it's "solution-oriented" or still need some more clarification. 

Shivam:
Most of people esp. the youth consistently passing throu' the same dilemma of life you keep trudging throu' without ev'n identifying the dual phase of life. and what's this so-called dual phase of life's 'bout is... nothing but "emptiness" in which we're all sunk.

I happen to know the real cause as well as a very beautiful reason to one's "Anxiety" & "Depression" is nothing but "Internet". The more you use internet, the more you get addicted to its dwight, perhaps, the less you use it, the less you gonna chase up on your dreams. To me, internet is a real "Highway" to success, but also a very disasterous "Roadway" to failure as well. So it quite depends (person-to-person) what be a real "reason" as well as a "cause" to your "Anxiety" & "Depression", because if you wanna deal with Anxiety & Depression without allowing anyone to help you out, I must suggest you...

first... to figure out the reason of your depression, and the cause to your anxiety. and when you're finding it, just be specific, to yourself, with whatever you find in the sate of that "Isolation". **_For instance: Ask yourself, "what's bothering you, & why you living the way you live rather living the way you think-ing."_**

second... to start putting yourself in other's shoes, au fond, treat yourself as a "Third" person, & try watching "you" as first person and so-called  "your" thoughts as second person arguing with each other. And you _- being a third person -_ have to "FIND" out what's right...  but _**NOT**_ what's wrong in that, because, you ain't there to "JUDGE" any one of 'em or both out there cos, both are none but "YOU" -- _the elixir of your soul._ So don't judge your "thoughts". Simplistically, "RESPONSE" to its outcomes rather "REACTING" on... to the matter of thoughts.

Ps. #1.
However, indeed it's also true sayin', most of people are depressed in life 'cause they're not contended. And why they're not so being contended in this world is 'cos... they are not happy. And why they're not happy.. cos either they ain't "SATISFIED" with what they have on the palm of their hands or ain't treat-ing themselves right in life. Some're tensed 'bout having a very good physic (body/ fitness / and a healthy life) so some're badly overwhelmed with so-called "Money-thing". Some caring enough for having some girlfriends so _**some spending their whole day in dreaming of... 'bout someone or something what's merely real to bare eyes,**_ being so lived in this realistic world...

Ps. (ii)
... but above all, the real depression comes from forgotten-yet-unforbidden **_"frustrated-misery"_** gotten by one's "ROTTEN-PAST". Everyone has past in life which further & farther "affecting" as well as "effecting" each & everyone's darkin' nights, somehow. Sometimes, it ev'n preventing people to move ahead, & reachin' beyond horizons, so sometimes, acting more like a big hurdle to hustle (ditch) 'em down unto the ground of mud. So yeah, past's nothing but more like a read-yet-unread book or a novel that's already done with words, but still "undone" with the reverberation of "thoughts"... and these are those 'IMAGERY THOUGHTS -- the unknown voices-voicing in head" -- which further makin' us keep "THINKING" ov'r and 'bout something what's not ev'n "PALPABLE" to life, resulting, we spend or waste half of our life in "dreaming" or "thinking" 'bout such imagery things which hardly come true. And rather doin' something real, we keep struggling on living life right.

So don't get wandered in the chum of such wanderland. Simply ask yourself what you want, & why, but first, figure out what's preventing you to chase on 'em things (on your dreams, if you have one), & becoming a cause to your anxiety & depression. **_And once you're solved, you're settled._**

_You're Anxious cos yet, you're not directed. And why you're not directed, cos you'rs not solved. Why you aren't solved, cos you're puzzled, may be, 'bout something that's bothering you so hard & makin' you so "unsettled" in life._

So first get solved. And believe me, no other gonna have to solve you out until you take an initiate to get things nailed down. Don't thing much. Just act for once. And get "thoughts" down into things without being dunce!

Good luck!

undisguised romance

under the semen of winter,

the hum of spring she brings

& ov'r the chum of summer,

i imbue sy saffron w/ hi colorings

some may call 'tis love --

an illegal contract with her offerings 

i sinew the shape of her body

O! pleasin' the soul on cheerful things;

unfurling the stamen of lust;

& atrociously suckin' to the bud of hers as sins.

--- (pause) ---

au fond, ye under the night of december,

the rapture of summer she brings. 

yo 'pon the ridge of night-fall,

the seasonal lust thy two things.

i sense the breath of her succulent-mouth.

it's more like strawberries' unwarmed stings. 

uncold touch of her every moist saliva 

us two sharieon with no worryings. 

--- (pause) ---

the worry may bring us down

perhaps, she -- the lady of love, in gown

i swing her hard from here to there, 

& there to where? -- may be, then ov'r the ground;

kissin the floor she walks on by 

seducing her breath till every midnight

she enjoys being enslaved of mine, i sigh

the pleasure of romance i bring, undisguised.

--- (pause) ---

as under the semen of winter,

the hum of spring she brings.

& ov'r the chum of summer,

us two get ludicrously colored w/ luscious colorings; ice & drinks.

ps.
*semen = snow
*hum = pleasure
*chum = heat
*nightfall = just fall (season)
*sharieon = share on; sharin'

cheap spy

written on..

Dec/17/2016!

i know am being wrong. can't ya make me right?

i used to take kif sinsemilla in guise of your high-sighs.

do i call me writer? or an erotic flirt?

i write naked scripts...

upon naked bodies that i hurt.

into the nights' of love, the love; &  us two hums.

can't ev'n write new lyrics as i'm used to your unclad curves.

your gestures talk to my body, undressed body replies on foot front.

sorry if you're being misguided, but you gotta bear yo burst out brunt.

now i am supposed to hear --

may be, your tres called grunts? 

yo brunettes turn me horny, mostly i'm onto pure b-blondes.

under the tryst of moon,  

just tell me what this night says --

ain't it say, we're alone... 

just as same as gone days?

i know do smoke your whispers. 

you gulp down my triple-x-words. 

we share some warmth in loves.. 

as carefree two night birds.

i be real E-eagle. you -- my illegal dove, alive.

i'm know am being on hunt under 'tis same silver moon-night.

upon the texture of moon,

you feel the presence of mine

what else i have to say...

you know, we 'bout to collide;

will die in love...

but for what? 

 in love?? -- what a crap! 

loves curse ---

(pause)

..................

the curse we want, & praise the worse 

the dirt we need; go ditched in mud. romance we want, but erotica, enflood.

i kiss your lips. you taste my tongue. 

i suck to your bud, you -- the lady ever young.

younger this winter has something to say

i befriend of dark nights, & ladies my prey. 

tonight be the night. hey pert, you gonna pay...

the bills, & the rent, & the mortgages... 

that your husband never paid. 

he put you on line. stupid he lost you on bet.

now go get some white-wine. red flavors, we spray.

there's nothing wrong in love, love's no right.

i know am being wrong. you feed me alright.

i used to take marijuana in guise of your high-sighs.

& tonight is the night. come. & get slain by cheap spy.

ps.

quite a prequel to one of my earlier writes called... "Still Undone":

http://shivamwrights.blogspot.in/2016/12/still-undone.html?zx=fb4c86e375edf4b8

faded happiness

10:00pm
Jan/3rd/2017!

"life's tough, & can be way tougher
time ain't no mercy
for thy art, i do suffer.
complications curled the life,
& life became more rougher.
in the search of bloody job,
my happiness about to buffer."

that's all what i would jot down 'tis eve when was i just thinking 'bout some job-ish norms. now-a-days, i'm passin throu' the dilemma of life, & worrying much 'bout getting job... cos, people claim you more like a rotten material of success if u ain't have any job. no matter how intelligent u are or u've ever been so in life, what all does matter in that is... your present, what you're in "PRESENT, what you have in your "NOW"....  & what you've achieved on the palm of your hands... but IN PRESENT... that's all does matter not... what've had or what u've been in PAST at all. if today, u ain't have any job, you're nothing but a piece of trash.

life becomes hell when u have job, but it can be way hellish if you ain't got any job.

gone childhood

Jan/1st/2017!
Sunday, 09:45am

childhood gone in fun
immaturity in past reality,
half of this age vooshed in joy,
& the rest of it...
in irrational confidentiality.

now...
the life becoming more rougher
tough time mui yo passing throu',
struggle been no part of thy life
hell now...  it is, it ain't no adieu.

just like struggle, even the time ain't no bid us adieu. it keeps recirculating around this universe. what u've had in past may not have in present. and what u have in present, may, might not have been so in ur past... but in b/w that, however, yet indeed it's true that...  ur childhood never stays the same for long.

just spent my gone days in...
sitting on couch
holding a cup of tea...
in hands;
with some books,
& black laptop on lap.
now the time gone vanished
from life. &...
me being lost into the...
bizarre of worldly nap, i fleck.

like a speck of dust, & a fleck of candlelight chandelier, your childhood with age gets disappeared from the life in afew blinks.

ah...  perhaps,
it's just the.. nature's call. and we all have to obey... i know, we all keep passing throu' same dilemma of life. so it's okay to accept what's shown by reality of this world: #Struggle.

furthermore...
just in a worrying of job, i see the youth keep (s) wandering throu' the analogies of very hard time. students doing suicide just cos of being pressurized by coaching institutes. they're failed to procure such stress of life, & suicide is what they doing now a days to meet a bit peace of life. they are all being caught under the undisguised indulgence of depression. and what brings 'em depression is...  the lack of having contended life... cos, happiness is already snatched by this worldly norms.

and on this i certifying...

the world just sleeping in reality;
dreaming the world in dreams,
the youth keeps...
wandering throu' the scavenge of job..
nothing they getting but...
unfaithfulness by all it means.

im just sitting on the same couch i used to sit on, and consistently worrying 'bout something i ain't even know about...

... back in 2015, i had a job that i would hardly stand for a week.

2016 been quite an unusual year. done new things. but never applied 'em into actions at all. just spent it whole in college days. or sitting on couch. sleeping at home. worrying of project files, & living under the stress of stupid exams, & in the suppressed distress of literature norms.

and now as 2017 just... entered my life, outta nowhere, i realizing... how tough the life is, & how tougher it could be... without what you don't have: #Job!!