Deception

08:00pm
Monday Night!

Time couldn't be that same as it once been a long back in gone years. Today, outta nowhere, a lil' but a very old thought hit in my head, & would remind me something i had forbidden a long back.

A long back, a couple of years back from now, in an evening, i was having a great time with my online writer-friends, & reading & reviewing their work, accordingly with time. Suddenly, a lady got popped up before eyes, & i reviewed her stuffs, She thanked me for being stopped by around, and in a mean time, our conversation got fueled with words. We both were enjoying the time together. I already knew she was way older than me, & me was fucking younger than her, perhaps, besides of this age-ish norms, i kept myself engaged with readin' & reviewing her stuffs. Day passed on by, nights walked on by life, and another eve. would come, & got me something i wasn't aware of. Suddenly, our talk reached to something which further prevent me from getting engaged with her stuffs anymore.

I said, "i will never get older. I'm younger, and will be so young forever in life."

And she replied, "you're ev'n getting older with every passing minute. and you can't be younger forever. you're gettting older with time."

I would hate that fucking lady at the time, and never talked to her back again. I was a kid enough during those days. Just +2 passed out student, & a 1st or 2nd year college student i was. I wasn't graduated that time. Almost a kid i was. And never knew how this life works, and what it exactly wants from us.

Day and nights passed on by, and as more time accumulated by the pavements of life, i grown, and now realizing .. what she said was true, and what i illusively lived around was nothing but ... just a deception of mind.... that got shattered into pieces with time. And today, i'm grown. My childhood gone. Responsibilies overwhelmed me with priorities of life. And smiles got hidden somewhere behind the pilgirms of worries. Ev'n my passion got covered behind the scars of age as well. And sitting on the same couch, 5 years later since then, today, i realizing... what i lived wasn't true, but what i be living is not belonged to virtue. Ah... such a deception of mind we all living in!

My First Response

It's 12:37Am as for now...
and a couple of minutes earlier from now, i read something suspescious but not so conspecious somewhere across the realm of this so-called internet. Someone ov'r the internet put a question:

Vashu:
How to deal with anxiety and depression without taking help from others when Person want to live alone. Also going through isolated feeling?

The guy name is "vashu-pzqon", as per shown on his profile, and he's kinda 22 year old guy dealing with "Anxiety" and "Depression".

Well, quite honestly, I hardly interfere in anyone's life or pass my own personal POVs ahead to anyone around, but this time rather keeping myself hiding behind the clock of scarcity, I thought to give a damn 'bout such things. Au fond, i thought to write him a reply not just for helping him out but at least seeing whether i'm that creative enough to reach out to any solution. And without delaying with time, I embarked on getting imbued with my QWERTY & wrote down the given ans...
..
... and after writing, & re-reading my own reply, I sincerely felt like: "Oh boy, did i just write that? Cool. I guess, now I finally started acted more like a pro." 

Check it out my reply to his question, and decide yourself whether it's "solution-oriented" or still need some more clarification. 

Shivam:
Most of people esp. the youth consistently passing throu' the same dilemma of life you keep trudging throu' without ev'n identifying the dual phase of life. and what's this so-called dual phase of life's 'bout is... nothing but "emptiness" in which we're all sunk.

I happen to know the real cause as well as a very beautiful reason to one's "Anxiety" & "Depression" is nothing but "Internet". The more you use internet, the more you get addicted to its dwight, perhaps, the less you use it, the less you gonna chase up on your dreams. To me, internet is a real "Highway" to success, but also a very disasterous "Roadway" to failure as well. So it quite depends (person-to-person) what be a real "reason" as well as a "cause" to your "Anxiety" & "Depression", because if you wanna deal with Anxiety & Depression without allowing anyone to help you out, I must suggest you...

first... to figure out the reason of your depression, and the cause to your anxiety. and when you're finding it, just be specific, to yourself, with whatever you find in the sate of that "Isolation". **_For instance: Ask yourself, "what's bothering you, & why you living the way you live rather living the way you think-ing."_**

second... to start putting yourself in other's shoes, au fond, treat yourself as a "Third" person, & try watching "you" as first person and so-called  "your" thoughts as second person arguing with each other. And you _- being a third person -_ have to "FIND" out what's right...  but _**NOT**_ what's wrong in that, because, you ain't there to "JUDGE" any one of 'em or both out there cos, both are none but "YOU" -- _the elixir of your soul._ So don't judge your "thoughts". Simplistically, "RESPONSE" to its outcomes rather "REACTING" on... to the matter of thoughts.

Ps. #1.
However, indeed it's also true sayin', most of people are depressed in life 'cause they're not contended. And why they're not so being contended in this world is 'cos... they are not happy. And why they're not happy.. cos either they ain't "SATISFIED" with what they have on the palm of their hands or ain't treat-ing themselves right in life. Some're tensed 'bout having a very good physic (body/ fitness / and a healthy life) so some're badly overwhelmed with so-called "Money-thing". Some caring enough for having some girlfriends so _**some spending their whole day in dreaming of... 'bout someone or something what's merely real to bare eyes,**_ being so lived in this realistic world...

Ps. (ii)
... but above all, the real depression comes from forgotten-yet-unforbidden **_"frustrated-misery"_** gotten by one's "ROTTEN-PAST". Everyone has past in life which further & farther "affecting" as well as "effecting" each & everyone's darkin' nights, somehow. Sometimes, it ev'n preventing people to move ahead, & reachin' beyond horizons, so sometimes, acting more like a big hurdle to hustle (ditch) 'em down unto the ground of mud. So yeah, past's nothing but more like a read-yet-unread book or a novel that's already done with words, but still "undone" with the reverberation of "thoughts"... and these are those 'IMAGERY THOUGHTS -- the unknown voices-voicing in head" -- which further makin' us keep "THINKING" ov'r and 'bout something what's not ev'n "PALPABLE" to life, resulting, we spend or waste half of our life in "dreaming" or "thinking" 'bout such imagery things which hardly come true. And rather doin' something real, we keep struggling on living life right.

So don't get wandered in the chum of such wanderland. Simply ask yourself what you want, & why, but first, figure out what's preventing you to chase on 'em things (on your dreams, if you have one), & becoming a cause to your anxiety & depression. **_And once you're solved, you're settled._**

_You're Anxious cos yet, you're not directed. And why you're not directed, cos you'rs not solved. Why you aren't solved, cos you're puzzled, may be, 'bout something that's bothering you so hard & makin' you so "unsettled" in life._

So first get solved. And believe me, no other gonna have to solve you out until you take an initiate to get things nailed down. Don't thing much. Just act for once. And get "thoughts" down into things without being dunce!

Good luck!

undisguised romance

under the semen of winter,

the hum of spring she brings

& ov'r the chum of summer,

i imbue sy saffron w/ hi colorings

some may call 'tis love --

an illegal contract with her offerings 

i sinew the shape of her body

O! pleasin' the soul on cheerful things;

unfurling the stamen of lust;

& atrociously suckin' to the bud of hers as sins.

--- (pause) ---

au fond, ye under the night of december,

the rapture of summer she brings. 

yo 'pon the ridge of night-fall,

the seasonal lust thy two things.

i sense the breath of her succulent-mouth.

it's more like strawberries' unwarmed stings. 

uncold touch of her every moist saliva 

us two sharieon with no worryings. 

--- (pause) ---

the worry may bring us down

perhaps, she -- the lady of love, in gown

i swing her hard from here to there, 

& there to where? -- may be, then ov'r the ground;

kissin the floor she walks on by 

seducing her breath till every midnight

she enjoys being enslaved of mine, i sigh

the pleasure of romance i bring, undisguised.

--- (pause) ---

as under the semen of winter,

the hum of spring she brings.

& ov'r the chum of summer,

us two get ludicrously colored w/ luscious colorings; ice & drinks.

ps.
*semen = snow
*hum = pleasure
*chum = heat
*nightfall = just fall (season)
*sharieon = share on; sharin'

cheap spy

written on..

Dec/17/2016!

i know am being wrong. can't ya make me right?

i used to take kif sinsemilla in guise of your high-sighs.

do i call me writer? or an erotic flirt?

i write naked scripts...

upon naked bodies that i hurt.

into the nights' of love, the love; &  us two hums.

can't ev'n write new lyrics as i'm used to your unclad curves.

your gestures talk to my body, undressed body replies on foot front.

sorry if you're being misguided, but you gotta bear yo burst out brunt.

now i am supposed to hear --

may be, your tres called grunts? 

yo brunettes turn me horny, mostly i'm onto pure b-blondes.

under the tryst of moon,  

just tell me what this night says --

ain't it say, we're alone... 

just as same as gone days?

i know do smoke your whispers. 

you gulp down my triple-x-words. 

we share some warmth in loves.. 

as carefree two night birds.

i be real E-eagle. you -- my illegal dove, alive.

i'm know am being on hunt under 'tis same silver moon-night.

upon the texture of moon,

you feel the presence of mine

what else i have to say...

you know, we 'bout to collide;

will die in love...

but for what? 

 in love?? -- what a crap! 

loves curse ---

(pause)

..................

the curse we want, & praise the worse 

the dirt we need; go ditched in mud. romance we want, but erotica, enflood.

i kiss your lips. you taste my tongue. 

i suck to your bud, you -- the lady ever young.

younger this winter has something to say

i befriend of dark nights, & ladies my prey. 

tonight be the night. hey pert, you gonna pay...

the bills, & the rent, & the mortgages... 

that your husband never paid. 

he put you on line. stupid he lost you on bet.

now go get some white-wine. red flavors, we spray.

there's nothing wrong in love, love's no right.

i know am being wrong. you feed me alright.

i used to take marijuana in guise of your high-sighs.

& tonight is the night. come. & get slain by cheap spy.

ps.

quite a prequel to one of my earlier writes called... "Still Undone":

http://shivamwrights.blogspot.in/2016/12/still-undone.html?zx=fb4c86e375edf4b8

faded happiness

10:00pm
Jan/3rd/2017!

"life's tough, & can be way tougher
time ain't no mercy
for thy art, i do suffer.
complications curled the life,
& life became more rougher.
in the search of bloody job,
my happiness about to buffer."

that's all what i would jot down 'tis eve when was i just thinking 'bout some job-ish norms. now-a-days, i'm passin throu' the dilemma of life, & worrying much 'bout getting job... cos, people claim you more like a rotten material of success if u ain't have any job. no matter how intelligent u are or u've ever been so in life, what all does matter in that is... your present, what you're in "PRESENT, what you have in your "NOW"....  & what you've achieved on the palm of your hands... but IN PRESENT... that's all does matter not... what've had or what u've been in PAST at all. if today, u ain't have any job, you're nothing but a piece of trash.

life becomes hell when u have job, but it can be way hellish if you ain't got any job.

gone childhood

Jan/1st/2017!
Sunday, 09:45am

childhood gone in fun
immaturity in past reality,
half of this age vooshed in joy,
& the rest of it...
in irrational confidentiality.

now...
the life becoming more rougher
tough time mui yo passing throu',
struggle been no part of thy life
hell now...  it is, it ain't no adieu.

just like struggle, even the time ain't no bid us adieu. it keeps recirculating around this universe. what u've had in past may not have in present. and what u have in present, may, might not have been so in ur past... but in b/w that, however, yet indeed it's true that...  ur childhood never stays the same for long.

just spent my gone days in...
sitting on couch
holding a cup of tea...
in hands;
with some books,
& black laptop on lap.
now the time gone vanished
from life. &...
me being lost into the...
bizarre of worldly nap, i fleck.

like a speck of dust, & a fleck of candlelight chandelier, your childhood with age gets disappeared from the life in afew blinks.

ah...  perhaps,
it's just the.. nature's call. and we all have to obey... i know, we all keep passing throu' same dilemma of life. so it's okay to accept what's shown by reality of this world: #Struggle.

furthermore...
just in a worrying of job, i see the youth keep (s) wandering throu' the analogies of very hard time. students doing suicide just cos of being pressurized by coaching institutes. they're failed to procure such stress of life, & suicide is what they doing now a days to meet a bit peace of life. they are all being caught under the undisguised indulgence of depression. and what brings 'em depression is...  the lack of having contended life... cos, happiness is already snatched by this worldly norms.

and on this i certifying...

the world just sleeping in reality;
dreaming the world in dreams,
the youth keeps...
wandering throu' the scavenge of job..
nothing they getting but...
unfaithfulness by all it means.

im just sitting on the same couch i used to sit on, and consistently worrying 'bout something i ain't even know about...

... back in 2015, i had a job that i would hardly stand for a week.

2016 been quite an unusual year. done new things. but never applied 'em into actions at all. just spent it whole in college days. or sitting on couch. sleeping at home. worrying of project files, & living under the stress of stupid exams, & in the suppressed distress of literature norms.

and now as 2017 just... entered my life, outta nowhere, i realizing... how tough the life is, & how tougher it could be... without what you don't have: #Job!!