Moody

Becky, her name. Lips, ruby.

Figure size, Zero to fruity 

Once i'd shout at her; was snooty

& since then.. she dubbed me moody

I'd laugh at her; at 'em horns kuby's;

do play with 'em on nights

& then... 

get wondered if she - a daughter of my ex, Judy?

Judy was more like Trudy

Trudy, a real hoe beauty, had an affair with Roodie

Soon, she got broke up with him

& time sincerely had me real Woodie 

The woody of the year, i be named

Never knew Trudy'd be a mother of Judy

& Judy, an aunt of lucy

Lucy been an artemis of Zeus, undisguised 

& Zeus was none but me - the real odyssey

Not sure how to manage all of these relationships 

Cut the crap. It's just... 

Becky, her name with lips, Ruby

Figure size, Zero to fruity, 

had an encountered with me, overnight

& latter that morn, she dubbed me ye moody.

Ps.

Just a telephonic conversation, i've had late night, with one of my online friends Named Lin. It's really been a very long since i'd talk to her, but late night, i've really had a great time with her. And she recalled all of our past time convos, and without delaying with time, she just dubbed me... Moody. I chuckled at what she was just sayin, but did and still do admit that whatever she dubbed me with is quite honest. I guess, may be, i'm moody. And that's, i believe, been the foremost reason behind why i've a very short-list of friends, but a very big-hitlist of enemies. Lol

The Conversation

Subtitle: The world's patched with too many positive people, but the question is whether you care enough to meet one.

The more i'm being good, the less i'm being sane.
The less i'm being rude, the more i'm being sage.
Me tryna being mute, thou' ye be i yo raged
Hard being optimistic as thee-thy world being uncaged
People want dough, the dough be its wage
Positivism killed mui vibes,
Spectra negativism got me enraged.
Our brain be its eden, thoughts, thine engaged
The frequency of thoughts, & sincerity ablazed.
Just 'coz...the more you be good, the less will you sane.
The less you be rude, the more will you sage.

Something like that just intrinsically got popped up in my head since was i being engaged with Shivani (ma`am), one of my ex-teacher, used to teach me "Rural Marketing" subject since was i in freaking 3rd sem. of stupid-cupid M.B.A, & was 'bout to be wandering throu' the ridge of "new-age" during that time. So young. Yet lost and confused. Jobless. And ready to make every new mistake. Phew!

I still remember, in the beginning of new-year, 2017, whilst was i getting much fuzzed 'bout makin' new year resolutions, i just hit her a text, & asked, what she's up to this new-year, and what kinda new resolution-al plans she be workin' on. In b/w that, time walked on by; conversations got geared up, & sooner the time gone, sooner the night voooshed into winds. Day passed on by, night by night, i tryna re-begeting my focus on #Resolutions2017, but no luck.

Then, one night, I again hit her a text, and asked if her resolutional plans goin' well. To my surprise, she was too getting more lost & confused with her own resolutions. It was all getting cocky on her as well. And before i'd come to ask her anything, something hit in my head, & i got come up with following thoughts:

And then i myself realized that as long as you don't put down your deceptive thoughts into actions, nothing gonna turn into reality not ev'n your dreams at all, cos... what your dreams're nothing more than but just a tuft of ecstatic-thoughts that needa get licked down into actions. It's only actions that make things come true in life. The reason, why was i getting fruitless at accomplishing my #Resolutions2017, is nothing but my own procrastination which was consistently preventing me from giving a damn 'bout what i sincerely care-d enough to slam.

And it just happens to... with everyone. Everyone passing throu' the same dilemma of life you keep wandering throu'. 

Perhaps, besides of finding difficulties, she was just incessnatly following the league of "positivism", may be, somewhere deep inside, she knew that success never comes that easily, if it'd come, it would never gonna be that valued at all. So, she always gushed, in the end, "Be Positive".

I hardly knew the worth of positivism till now.

Well, Shivani (ma`am) has been one of the most "optimistic" gals (teachers) amongst all, who ain't just helped me whenever i had a query to ask, but also led me right via the versatile vibes of her magnetized thoughts. And to be honest, i've hardly got encountered with any of the positive-minded person like her before in life at all. I ev'n have allot of positive minded online friends, but when it comes to real-world, i hardly "find-found-found" the one!

may be, it's cos, i ain't that positive neither have i ev'r been so at all.

And yesterday night, i've had a talk with her again. Never knew that our convo will take another amazing turn, and will make me writing what i already mentioned at first in poetic form:

I guess, talking or having some talk with her is quite a fascination itself, within. Sounds good by me, then. lol

It really ain't matter whether others're being negative on you or not. What all does matter in that is if you have those positive POVs on others, & on their lives, cos... hate or jealousy or negativity be just a form of pessimism. The more you opt. it, the more you gonna enjoy it. And the more you enjoy it, the more you gonna get so far ev'n from your true-self. So stay always be positive. That's all what i kinda learn from Shivani.

I believe, positive minded persons're most heart-broken ones. And here, i admit, i know ev'n i've already told her that she might be the most miserable person behind the veil of smiles, but it's just the part of life, what all does matter in that is how you take care of such things, & use it all treading people in a way. I really don't know whether i'll be positive-minded in life or not, but the thing i know is, i hope ain't gonna be that unbalanced again. 

You just have to choose one: Positivity or Negativity. You can never choose both to walk along. I choose negativity, but only for negative people, & will choose positivism, only for positive minded ones. Such a contradiction of life we all passing throu' now-a-days!

I happen to know, when you're being negative, you're ev'n way frustrated & suffocated & so lost & confused deep inside than those who're being positive. Everybody gets hurt, perhaps, it just depends, how one walks throu' the situations. Such an optimistic gurl she is! Always ev'n replies to my texts as well. Phew. thankful to her for that. lol

Ps. The world's patched with too many positive people, but the question is whether you care enough to meet one.

Your Life, Your Decision

08:15pm
Saturday, feb/4th/2017!
Last night was quite an intriguing night to me. I was in office, and in a moment, my eyes got rolled up somewhere across the wall where an handwritten quote said:

"Don't watch the clock. Just do what it does. Keep going!"

And a moment latter, i heard some voices from ov'r the back desk:

"Per chal toh rahi nahi yaar. (but the cloak ain't working, man) lol

It was quite the most intriguing moment of the night, but also a bit philosophically hypothetical as well. It got me thinking': "Time never stops for anyone neither has it ev'r stopped for one at all. So, it's always better either moving along with the clock, or sitting somewhere across the corner of your room, & hiding oneself in dark shades of darkling nights, or always keep dreaming of havin' things in hands you ev'r wished to have in life... cos the call is all yours. Everything's on the palm of your hands. Your life. Your decision. Do live it right!

This Night

feb.3rd.2017!

And "This Night" (today) really brought allot of good & fortunate things after "Late Night".

Just gave another interview to another company, and fianlly got selected. My joining is on 14th.feb, on valentine's day... which's a very good sign to get embarked with anew year, and anew hopes to life. Funny thing is, this's the very first job i had got offered a couple of, prolly, two years back from now, but i wasn't that ready to do the job, & just moved to bankin' norms, but soon i came to know, bank ain't kinda my type, so i would quit... & got continued with my mba. Today, i went in the same and very first company that'd hired me back in 2015. Now the time's changed, and God took me back to the same place where i'd already been two years back from now. Phew! A night back, i arrived back at home at 10:00 but with much dissatisfaction and embarrasment, but today... "this night", i come back at the same time, 10:00pm but with much satisfaction, & smiles. And here i come to know, every day is different. You never know what morrow gonna have to bring to your life. So always be cheerful. And get ready to face whatever comes to get encountered with you!

I believe, sometimes, God really plays with you, or may be, ..just wanna teach some important lessons of life that're being forgotten... by you.

Ps.
Never kick off the opportunities you're blessed with. Time never remains the same in life neither has it ever been so.

Late Night

Yesterday the previous day was quite a stunning day for me, but ye (the) yesterday night was more like a bizzare to life, in blackout.

I would never loose to any of 'em interviews earlier before, but late night, i admit got certainly lost to #spectraforce. Really ain't know what went wrong, and what just happened so sudden, and fast around, but whatever it is, the thing that i know by now is: "The world ain't care of... who you are, or what you've been in your past. It only wants "perfection", & perfection never gives second chance".

Had an interview in #spectraforce company late night. For its iind round was i being selected outta 150+ students throu' this fuckin' campus placement, but unfortunately, nothing went the way i had fuckin' expected not from the interviewer but from  --- the fucking real me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before sayin' much on this, let me share something here around in words:

Back in 2015, during those final years of my graduation, i got blessed with too many fruitful opportunities of life. Every day was more like a "luck" to me, and one by one, i got embarked on stepping up with the ladder of success, & moving ascends in a hope to reach beyond horizons. After cracking some of the very first interviewsssssssssss of my life, my confident reached at the apex of extreme, &... don't ev'n know how, but as time accumulated by, my confident got preceded by over-confidence, & in b/w that, i would utterly loose the fuckin' real me... somwhere in the cliches of mindfulness.

Perhaps, besides of being loosen, quite obviously,  i kinda fuckin' loved this new "confidence" or so-called "over excitement in the name of being over-confidence" gotten by "The Deception Of Mind".

However, yet indeed it's also true sayin' that sometimes...

"... we never know what exactly we're goin' throu'
life's no mess, but we being messed up, & imbued...
with the figments of mind.. which barely come true
instead, we keep dreamin' on such deception of mind
& loose our true selves somewhere, may be, in me? or you?
cos, sometimes, we really never know what exactly we're goin' throu'."

(back to the thread)
Yesterday, i got rejected in an interview... FOR THE very fuckin' FIRST TIME in my life. And after being rejected, i realized... how fast the time has gone, & how easily i'm being stoned. 

cos... nothing went the way i had expected it to be .Everything just got me lost into something i never wanted to be a part of.

Ps. I
Sometimes, rejection is must in life not to get you more dumper, but to make ya understand the real you deep inside, & re-scrutinizin' yourself what exclty you goin' throu'. 

Ps. II
You needa... NOT TO be a part of the same race everybody else just keep racing throu'. May be, the company wasn't for me nor was i for that company. When i would just entered the room, i saw everybody was, like, students.... sitting around in front of their computers', & keep staring at 'em screens'... QUITElLY, but a bit talkingly, and typing and blah blah blah around. I ain't ev'n saw... not ev'n the single face that has fuckin' smile on it. Everybody was looked quite distressed, and much depressed as well. Some were blabbering and talkin' around, but not the way we causally talk.

One freakin' male-worker was consistently shouting at one female-coworker sitting somewhere at the back side. Don't know why, but urgh... it was quite weird to hear the words he was cracking on that GURL. The gurl (girl) was ev'n telling him not to say more, but he was keep continuing questioning on her words, and the breath of that gurl was getting cocky!!

It was the very worse moment of my life when i realized, how disgusting it is or could be to work in private sectors esp. FOR LADIES, may be, it's cos... the hunger of us men's already reached beyond our limits we were proverbially born with, & have already forBIDDEN the VOV -- the value of (being) virtuoso.

Life's not race, but a game, & can be very horrific esp. for ladies if they act carelessly in it. Ah... whatever!

Late night was just more like a nightmare to me, perhaps... i'm happy that i'm walked throu' it, but a bit sad 'bout thinking on it being rejected. The reason behind my rejection was quite funny, i had just used a single word of hindi, when my interviewer asked me if i've any question to ask 'bout the company. Everything went great. It was just a finale round, but sometimes, i guess, you can't compete your fate that comes in the wake of luck, in life.

My interviewer: "Do you want to ask anything 'bout company?"

And i said, "bas... " (no, i said "NO" in my own native language, but also in a diff. & a causal way)

He "reacted": "Hindi is not allowed in this company"

"Oh, i see, well, i beg your pardon, sir," i replied.

"It's okay. No problem," he replied.

I went outside the room. Few minutes later, a lady (hot gurl) named "Ridhika" came on by, and took me to another room. No-one was there.

And she asked, "How was your interview?"

Me: "My interview was good, but i made a lilttle mistake. I used ONE WORD OF HINDI in last, when he asked me if i've any question to ask regarding this company, and i said, "bas... "

Ridhika: Yes, and sir said also the same to me.  Shivam, you used hindi so we can't hire you cos.. we deal with USA clients, and you have to talk in english.

Me: "So.. hindi's not allowed here not ev'n a SINGLE WORD?"

Ridhika smiled, and said,  "Yes.. hindi's not allowed. Sorry... we won't be able to hire you for this job."

(For a moment, i was like, Not ev'n a SINGLE WORD? Urgh, that's quite wierd. I don't ev'n know how people or employees of that company might be doin' job under such pressure. Now i think, that if i would ev'n got selected, i'd have resigned off that job with time for sure, cos... i'm kinda not so habitual of listening lectures, neither done anything under such pressues at all. I just do what i find so valuable doin'. I believe, as long as you doin' anything but also with freedom and own consent, you're doin' good. Once you started doin' work under pressure or without your own freedom, you're lost! I've already been lost back in gone days. Ain't wanna get lost again at all.)

It wasn't that embarrasing moment for me. The most embarrasing part of "LATE NIGHT" was when i went outta her room, walked down the stairs, and everybody was staring at me around, and i was like, "aaj toh gya."  Latter, i just kept my chin down, walked away. Ev'n the sercurity guard of the main gate was keep looking at me, may be, he knew that i wasn't the one being rejected! lol

And today, on 2nd, feb, 2017.... when i replay those moments again on my mind, i really feel very urgh, and question myself: "why the hell i just... just.... ah.. leave it!"

Nothing im gonna get outta it. Let's turn the chapter, and move on! Yesterday brought allot of bad things. Let's see what Morrow gonna have to bring, of course, in good things. Fingers crossed!